i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
