You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
