I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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