You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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