I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
