is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
