Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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