found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
