I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
