sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We just shotgunned beers for America
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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