i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
