So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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