Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
COCAINE IS GR8
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
