I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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