why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
