not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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