there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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