I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
