dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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