Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
