They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
