she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize