the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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