I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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