I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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