So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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