sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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