oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
