worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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