it's like iHOP with fire
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You're a waste of cheezeits
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
