I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
