and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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