I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
