Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
