You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
