; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize