And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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