): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
