happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
