i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
