If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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