he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
