Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
