She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
