so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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