sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
