life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
