I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
