now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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