Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
