You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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