I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
