I'm really into asian looking animals
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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