I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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