dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
