If i come over, it means nothing
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
