I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
