wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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