the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
