Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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