i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
