To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
