My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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