i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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